Standing up for myself wasn’t something I ever did growing up. Quite the contrary, actually. I went to school each day in fear. What situations were going to arise that would leave me feeling embarrassed? The idea of speaking up never even crossed my mind. Instead, it was more about avoiding and deflecting. Stay away from situations that might lead to hurtful words being directed at me. If that was impossible, then attempt to deflect. Day after day, year after year. This game plan slowly carved out an insecure adult who was easily intimidated by others. I became known for constantly apologizing. Women with confidence and strong opinions terrified me. I avoided them when possible and became immediately anxious whenever I was in their presence. I allowed other people to speak to me in unacceptable ways and became somewhat of a doormat. But the thought of being anything else was just not an option.
Fast forward to when my older son was born. While on maternity leave, I dealt with some personal struggles that forced me to step out of my comfort zone and speak up. It was a situation where I felt like I had no choice. It was uncomfortable and terrifying and left my postpartum self feeling even more overwhelmed with emotions. But I did it. And that, in retrospect, became a turning point for me for the rest of my life.
Speaking up for yourself tells the world that you value yourself. That you set high standards for yourself. And that you will NOT give another person the power to affect your life in a negative way. See yourself differently & everyone else will too. There were people in my life who, years ago, would speak to me in a disrespectful way. And I would allow it. Once I started regularly advocating for myself, and they realized that that shit wouldn’t fly with me anymore, everything changed. I would not accept anything other than respect from them. My mind was shifting. It didn’t matter who they were. If they were older than me, better looking than me, more intelligent than me. I was going to make it clear that they needed to respect me. Doing that was incredibly frightening in the beginning. When conflicts arose, I would lay awake in bed thinking about how horribly uncomfortable it was going to be addressing the situation with the person. Scenarios would run through my head. What if they used really hurtful words that cut deep? What if they started talking about me to other people? What if this made my everyday life super uncomfortable? The negative outcomes of advocating for myself seemed endless.
But the outcomes of NOT doing it seemed unbearable. What does it say about my self-worth if I allow others to hold so much power over me? I had just had my son. I wanted him to grow up with a role model mom that lives the lessons she teaches her kids. So I muddled my way through conflicts. As time went on, it became easier to handle things. It is never easy advocating for yourself, but reaping the benefits of it makes it worthwhile. Your brain starts to latch onto this “new you”. You are no longer the doormat. You will not allow anyone to make you feel like one, and you make that abundantly clear to those around you. You have valuable things to say and have a unique set of opinions, talents, and attributes. Anyone that doesn’t see that can get lost. They serve no purpose in your life and don’t deserve any space in your mind. Any one of us has the power to start making these changes. Because every one of us deserves to reap the benefits of them.