“You’re so lucky that you’re positive!”
I have heard that many times in my life. That I am fortunate to have my positive disposition. But, there is really nothing lucky about being a positive person. I sure as shit wasn’t born like this. I have 6 siblings and when asked who the worst one was as a child, my parents would immediately reply Wendy. 😵💫 I used to have a quick temper & hold onto anger. I had a mean streak and my words purposely cut people deep. I was the target of a lot of unkind words from peers and didn’t know how to cope with that sadness. So I lashed out on those around me. Misery wanted company.
As I got older, I made some friends- learning how to be a good friend along the way. I found outlets and coping strategies & eventually turned a corner in life by becoming a teacher. So many opportunities to make so many kids’ lives better- it was the daily boost I needed. Despite all of those great things that came into my life, I still hadn’t developed into the positive person I am today. I’d say I was normal. I had my good days. And I had my frustrating days. When life got really stressful, I’d tend to fall apart. Eventually pulling myself back together and moving on.
Truth is, my positive personality began developing during the most challenging parts of my life. Which I realize sounds so odd. How could someone become a happier version of themselves when the shit is hitting the fan all around them? When your world feels like it is falling apart?
Stop waiting for the storm to pass. Instead, ask yourself - who can you become during the storm?
We all have choices on how to deal with large amounts of stress. And I chose to let that stress change me for the better. I wasn’t going to let the storms surrounding me consume me. Because they easily could have. I could have very easily succumbed to the family struggles I was dealing with and, day by day, month by month, had my identity slip away and be replaced by “Wendy-Overwhelmed Mom Trying to Hold It Together”. But what kind of life would that be? One that would fly by, with me physically and mentally exhausted each and every day. No thank you. That is NOT the life I am choosing.
So, I made the choice to, each and every day, deal with the storm but focus on the great. I am going to repeat that because it is the essence of how I handle things- deal with the storm, but focus on the great. Even when things were at its worst, there was always something amazing to focus my thoughts on. I’d play with my boys. Or I’d make plans with a friend. Or I’d get in my workouts. Or I’d set a very small and very achievable goal for myself so that I’d have something to work toward and feel good about.
The most important piece of all of this is that we have choices. I never saw myself as a victim to the hardships I was dealing with. I never allowed myself to get lost in the mentality that this was the life I was given, that it sucked, and that I just had to deal. I took control back and made the CHOICE not to be consumed. My hardships aren’t the #1 topic of all of my conversations with people. I don’t constantly talk about them because I don’t constantly think about them because they do not define me. I am my kids, and my family, and my strengths, and my goals, and a million other things. My struggles have carved out an amazingly strong human. But they have not and will never consume me. I have trained my brain to deal with the storm and focus on the great.
As adults, we are constantly going through storms. Some are smaller, like navigating sibling conflict & dealing with working full-time. And some are larger, like caring for a sick parent or going through a divorce. We tend to think in terms of “when ___ is over, then I’ll be able to ____”. A tomorrow mentality. Hard truth is that some storms will always be there. Something will always be popping up and needing our attention. Constantly waiting for them to pass will leave you filled with regret as your life flies by. Goals and hopes untouched. Make the choice to always find the joy in your life. No matter the size of the storm, find and focus on the good. Train your brain to cope without being consumed. One day, one storm at a time.