Another turning point in my quest to beat body dysmorphia involved a pair of leggings. A regular pair of leggings that you probably see over 10 times a day, worn by women everywhere. But for me, those leggings represented so much more. They became a crossroad for me. A critical part of the journey. Little did I know that those leggings would end up becoming a catalyst for some amazing changes ahead.
So at this point, my self talk was consistently improving. Resisting rabbit holes, noticing the good, being mindful of how I spoke about myself to others, acknowledging that what the mirror showed was not necessarily reality- these things started out as challenges, only to slowly evolve into regular parts of my every day. I knew, though, that self talk was only one part of this. I needed my actions to also show the effort I was willing to put in. So, I took a deep, terrified breath and decided to start doing some things I would normally never do.
Fear: Trying a New Type of Workout
🌟“Hey, if you ever want to train together with pads- instead of on the bag- let me know.”
😣Inner Dialogue: Why does this random dude at my gym want to train with me? You’ve never worked out on pads. You’d be completely in the personal space of a total stranger. It is highly likely you are going to make a complete ass out of yourself. Cue fears.
👏🏻Verbal Reply: Sure! I’ve never done it, but I’m up for something new.
💜Outcome: I gained a best friend & training partner, and found a new activity that I love only second to cardio kickboxing. Success.
Fear: Instructing a Muay Thai Class
🌟”Do you mind covering for me next week?”
😣Inner Dialogue: I am not trained in this. I literally just started in the last 6 months. The class is made up mostly of men, many of whom have been training much longer than me. Surely there is someone else that can do this!! Cue fears.
👏🏻Verbal Reply: Absolutely, I’ve got you covered.
💜Outcome: I did a solid job! My combinations were well-received and I actually felt pretty comfortable up front. Success.
Fear: Wearing a Pair of Leggings Without Shorts Over Them (yes, you read that correctly!)
🌟Attempting to cover up the areas that I was self-conscious about was a regular occurrence. Since 4th grade, I have worn board shorts over my bathing suit. I wear a bikini top, but will not take off my board shorts. Similarly, whenever I worked out, I would always wear shorts over top of my leggings. I felt more hidden in them & feared what others would think of my body, especially in front while instructing. About 6 months ago, with the encouragement of a new & very supportive group of friends, I started entertaining the idea that it was time to let them go. Here I was, putting in 8+ workouts a week, only to be ashamed of my body. I needed to conquer that in order to get to Future Me. Future Me was proud of herself and was comfortable in her skin. So, one day I decided to shed the shorts.
😣Inner Dialogue: Every single person is looking at me right now. I am so uncomfortable. What in the hell was I thinking.
👏🏻Actuality: Nobody gave a shit about me and my leggings. 🙃
💜Outcome: I threw out all of my shorts and loaded up on the leggings. I was no longer going to allow my brain to be consumed by this. In the beginning, it was nerve wracking- especially my first time instructing in them. But, like so many things, the more you do something, the less big of a deal it becomes to your brain. What once consumed me now means nothing. The clutter is gone.
What I am hoping you all got out of this series of pieces is that you always have the ability to work on yourself, no matter your situation. It starts small- being mindful of your inner & outer dialogue, facing even the smallest of fears. Minimizing and ignoring your struggles may be keeping you from a much happier life. Resist the trap & stay focused on Future You. It is in your power for Now You to evolve into Future You. Think about one small thing you could do this week to get that momentum going. 💗