How many times has your negative self talk taken you down a rabbit hole? For me, it was a daily occurrence. Like a set of dominoes. One thought triggers another which sets off another. I knew that beating body dysmorphia would mean resisting this trap every time it presented itself. And I was determined to make that happen.
Continuing with my previous post- I had a plan in place. The plan involved self talk & comfort zones. One day at a time, try to do something- even if it was ridiculously small- to make progress in these areas.
The self talk was definitely a challenge. The Morning Struggle of getting ready for work became the ultimate test. My first mini goal was to NOT go down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts. When looking in the mirror, see your appearance for what it is, then move your thoughts on. Don’t let one thought set off a rapid fire of a ton of others. I even began using a strategy I once read about where you literally say to yourself, “I am not going down this road. I am moving on.” That worked well for me. If a negative thought popped up, I quickly changed my thoughts to what my boys were doing or what I had ahead of me that day, etc. Be mindful not to let the clutter grow. Stop it in its tracks.
I did this for weeks. Rabbit holes were avoided, and negative thoughts were left in isolation as I learned to move on. Progress was being made.
Next, I began working on noticing the good. In my head previously, all I could see when I looked in the mirror was the area I was self-conscious about. For me, it was my lower body. I didn’t have a problem with the rest of me. But, I also didn’t regularly notice and appreciate the rest of me. It was time to start doing that. Shift the focus away from what I didn’t like, and move it onto what I DID like.
So I’d make it a point to look at and notice my arms, waistline, etc. Not obsessively. Not constantly gawking at myself and consequently feeding into this appearance obsession. Just occasionally when my self chatter would normally be negative, start changing it and see the positive. This shift also had great effects. Regularly pointing out what I liked about me slowly evolved into noticing more than just my lower body. Things were changing for the better.
Rabbit holes stayed in check. Daily positive talk on what I liked about me was becoming consistent. Now let’s focus on what you say about yourself in conversation with other people.
I began being very mindful of that. Future Me was confident and a leader. She wasn’t someone who constantly apologizes, can’t handle a compliment, and feels the need to downplay her strengths. So Future Me once again dominated my thoughts. What would she do in this situation? How would she reply to this? I kept her in the forefront of my mind at all times and tried to emulate what I thought she’d do. This awareness of how I spoke to others was critical. I don’t think I ever really paid much attention to it before. But I started to realize that, in order for me to create lasting changes, I needed to change both my inner AND outer dialogue.
The final challenge with my self talk was recognizing that what I was seeing in the mirror wasn’t necessarily reality. I legitimately was not seeing the real me. And to start entertaining thoughts that Real Me actually looks great. Real Me works hard on creating a strong body and she is a role model to other women. She focuses and puts in the time to become a healthy woman. But not for vain reasons, but because she cares about herself and her health. Real Me deserves to feel good and be proud of that.
So Future Me and Real Me started taking turns dominating my thoughts. Both were really positive images that, day after day, started to change how I saw myself. The outcome, over time, was amazing. All of these little changes started to shift my brain away from what it once was- negative, insecure, frustrated. In time, Future Me & Real Me slowly became Now Me. And suddenly everything in my life became that much better. I still have my struggles & I still have my demons, but they don’t overpower me like they once did. Things have changed and this change is here to stay.