When I was in high school, I had convinced myself that I was destined to be overweight. That was just what was in the cards for me. God made being thin and maintaining thin for certain people, and He made being fat and staying fat for the rest of us. That was the mentality that I had, and spent year after year trying to digest this inevitable future. This is what your life is going to be like, it is out of your control, it’s just how it is.
I tried really hard to get on board with this. So I’d never be one of those girls who proudly walks around in a bathing suit. Whatever, I have other things to be proud of. So I’d never get to shop at Forever 21 or Express or Abercrombie. It’s fine, the less trendy department stores would be alright. So I’d never get to share clothes with my 5 sisters. All good. I’m fine, my clothes are fine, everything is fine.
But it wasn’t. Far from it, actually.
The problem here wasn’t that I wasn’t a size 6. The problem was that I just could not find happiness. And the reason for that was because I was completely uncomfortable in my skin. I didn’t feel good about my health or my fitness level. I didn’t feel good putting on clothes- in fact I despised that job every morning. I didn’t have energy- for school, for family, for LIFE. The magazines and celebrity culture was starting to change to a “Love your body, no matter what!” mentality. Again, I tried. So. Hard. to embody that attitude. But, again, I still found myself daydreaming about a life where I felt energized, confident, and- most of all- comfortable.
I have heard countless people over the years blow off their health/fitness level with a remark like “I have so many other things I am grateful for, so it’s fine.” Being uncomfortable in your skin is not fine. And you may not fully realize that until you are on the other side of it. The other side where you’re walking a little taller and with more confidence. Where the morning battle with the mirror has disappeared. Where you no longer have anxiety bouts when seeing people you haven’t seen in a while, like you once did, worried they’d notice your constant weight struggle. That other side involves a life void of all that clutter. Your brain is freeing up space for so many better things.
So how did I finally make the change and start decluttering? Everything in my life started moving forward the day I started owning my shit. No, God did not make me fat. The choices I were making, day in and day out, were making me fat. I am in control here. Where I am at right now is a direct result of me. And at any point I have the power to decide how I want this to go. And I was not about to waste away the rest of my life being uncomfortable. So I made small changes that slowly and steadily added up to big victories. I worked- and still work- hard at this. Nothing about losing weight and keeping it off is easy. But everything about losing weight and keeping it off is worthwhile. Beyond being comfortable in my skin, I have developed patience, perseverance, strength, and pride that has extended to & impacted every area of my life.
None of us are predestined to live a certain kind of life. And every one of us has the capability of turning things around at any point in time. Take that first step and start regaining control. It may end up being the best thing you could ever do for yourself.