The word “should” can be a very dangerous one. Especially in the world of social media.
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar…..
“I really should travel more. Look how much fun ____ is having on vacation!”
(Cue negative thoughts about how you don’t travel that much.)
“My husband should plan more date nights. ____’s husband planned an entire night out for them!”
(Cue frustrated thoughts about how annoying it is that you plan all of your nights out together.)
“My son should be riding a bike by now. _____’s son already knows how to ride one and he’s younger!”
(Cue anxious thoughts about how you’re not on top of things with your kids.)
“I should be working out more. Look at all the videos ______ has posted this week!”
(Cue defeated thoughts about how you aren’t doing enough exercise.)
Seeing other people’s successes splashed all over social media can be a wonderful way to stay connected to people you don’t see often. But it can also be a huge test to your self-talk. Are you able to see and appreciate others’ joy without that word “should” creeping in? Absolutely nothing good comes of going down that road of comparing yourself or your husband or your family to someone else. Absolutely nothing. What it actually does is push aside all of the special and wonderful things these people DO do, and instead focus all of your thoughts on what they don’t.
For example, my husband doesn’t plan our date nights. I plan them all. From who is watching the kids to where we are going and what time we are heading out. Brian’s only job is to make sure he irons his shirt. 😂 But, he does a million other things for the family that make him a special husband and dad. He is incredibly hands-on and helps out without asking. Among many, many other things. No, I don’t feel like he “should” be planning things more like other husbands might. I choose to focus my thoughts on what he does do, because it’s pretty amazing.
Similarly, my little guy Ben is almost 7 and not yet near riding a bike on his own. And this is despite being incredibly tall and pretty athletic. Many of his friends can do it, but not him yet. I could go down the road of feeling the need to practice more, and make sure it happens soon. Or, I could just chill out and remind myself that he has a million special talents and abilities & that this one skill will eventually happen. No need to pressure myself to keep up with my friends’ kids.
Make the choice to let go of the word “should”. Recognize all of the unique and amazing things that you ARE doing. Maybe you’re not exercising 5 days a week like your friend, but you’re getting in walks when you can and have really been on top of your kids’ schedules lately. That deserves recognition and celebration. You do a lot. Don’t let the word “should” minimize any one of those things you do. Remember not to let personal victories- big OR small- go unnoticed.