Funny and slightly embarrassing story to share. Not too long ago, I was out with some friends and had a few too many drinks. I then proceeded to walk around the bar yelling, “Women supporting women!” and buying random women drinks. It was just plain weird and even more awkward than you could imagine. 😵💫
Though this may not have been the best way to show it 🤦🏻♀️, building up other women is a huge priority of mine. When something complimentary pops in my head, I am going to say it. Why miss a chance to potentially make someone’s day?
What I’ve noticed over the years, especially since having children and often being around other moms, is that people really struggle to accept a compliment. Not too long ago, I complimented a woman’s dress after church. I had never met the woman, but she looked fabulous and deserved to hear it. Her immediate response involved insulting herself and telling me how her children always tell her that the dress looks like a nightgown. That interaction really stuck with me. The woman’s knee-jerk reaction was to put herself down. What kind of regular self talk must she be experiencing for that negativity to so quickly spew out?
I think that a lot of this has to do with our concern of appearing too confident. If I accept a compliment, it will appear that I agree with it. Then everyone will think that I think I’m awesome. Or perhaps it’s because our self-image is so poor that we can’t imagine someone else noticing a positive. It took me many, many years to start accepting compliments. Now I am at a point where I am regularly complimenting myself. 😛 I mean that, though! I have given myself formal permission to tell myself when I know I rocked a Saturday morning class. Permission has been granted to compliment myself when I am totally on top of my kids’ activities and schedules. To hold my head high when my hair is working out just right and my outfit is looking great. Feels weird to read that, right? It’s because we typically condition our brains to focus our thoughts on our shortcomings rather than on our strengths. You may have done an amazing job one evening practicing sight words with your son, but forgot the next day was Crazy Socks Day. So all of your thoughts revolve around that. Someone commenting on how involved you are with your child’s reading immediately prompts a self-deprecating response about forgetting Crazy Socks Day. Or someone may notice that you’ve lost weight and are looking healthier. This may be met with an immediate reply about how you still have a long way to go.
Do yourself a huge favor- grant yourself permission to feel good about all of the amazing things you do and about all of the amazing qualities you have. Yes, you have weaknesses. Accepting a compliment and acknowledging you’re great at something doesn’t mean you don’t have struggles. What it means is that, despite those struggles, you are able to recognize and value your strengths. Train your brain to see those strengths.
So, what do I want you to get out of this? Post those selfies looking super cute in your new top. Pat yourself on the back on those days you read your child a book in bed. And, please, take it in when someone else sees and points out something amazing you’re doing. Make an effort to see yourself beyond just your struggles. Because there is a whole lot more than that in each of us.