💜Starting Your Journey

How did this happen?

That was a question that would constantly swirl around in my brain during the period I refer to as Rock Bottom. During the day, it was a quiet whisper that I could ignore, losing myself in the tasks I needed to get done. Avoiding mirrors, avoiding pictures, avoiding Facetimes- these things kept it at a whisper. It was in the mornings that that whisper threatened to become a shout. Getting changed became my least favorite activity of the day. The in my face, no longer able to be avoided, blazingly obvious reminder that I was no longer the fit girl I once was. I no longer recognized the body that once was so strong. My big jeans were now my tight jeans, and my clothing options were steadily decreasing. Worst of all, I was uncomfortable. Physically & mentally, painfully uncomfortable in my skin.

How did this happen?

Life happened, that’s how. Times became stressful and, slowly but steadily, those habits that once were so ingrained in me all turned to shit. I avoided the scale and allowed my brain to coast into Justification Mode whenever I was putting clothes on. Oh, these jeans are a tad snug because I had a big dinner last night. No big deal. This shirt just came out of the wash, that’s why it’s fitting a little differently. It’s in my head that these pants are tighter on my waist-it’s probably nothing. Fast forward a few weeks, a few months- Justification Mode has transitioned to Panic Mode. The realization that this is not in my head, and I legitimately had a problem on my hands now. The shame of the situation slowly settled in.

How did this happen?

I wallowed in that thought for a very long time. Depressed and embarrassed at my inability to return to my healthy habits. My brain was now trained for these new habits. Feeling the need to have sugar late at night. Feeling the need for a drink after dinner. Wanting to load up on salty snacks throughout the day. And holy shit, was it hard to break these habits. The idea of eating raw vegetables during the day was truly dreadful. Green shakes? Bleh. Water all day long? Double Bleh. How the heck was I going to get back to that other life. The one where I felt strong and proud and comfortable. The one where I felt clean all of the time and energized and filled with life for my family and not about to lose my shit every time someone pulled out their phone to snap a pic. Ugh.

What I came to realize was that, in order to make any kind of progress, I was going to need to start small. Tiny habits that could fit in my current lifestyle. Huge changes just weren’t possible long term. I knew I’d eventually find myself right back where I started. What was a small change that I could make that week that was achievable and that would help move me forward with my goal (which was NOT to lose x amount of pounds, by the way. That is never a goal for me. Instead, it was to be proud & comfortable in my skin). I started with tracking my water. For better or worse, I wrote it down on a chart on my fridge. That’s it. This helped me become more mindful which slowly helped bring water back into my life. I no longer was puffy & bloated all of the time. I started to feel cleaner and better in general. Once that small step became second nature, I added on another small step like writing down my snacks.

These small steps, one at a time, started to add up and produce results. And by results, I mean a happier version of myself. Tiny goals achieved slowly turned into bigger goals achieved. The morning struggles in the mirror faded away. The girl I knew to be the Real Me made her triumphant return- comfortable, secure, and proud. And it all started with one small step. One small step, one small goal, one small change. That decision could truly be the game-changer you’ve been waiting for. 💗